CONT'D FROM 52
I do not and cannot know anything about my 'MOTHER',
Her name, Her biographical details and her
characteristic features etc. Unfortunately I am too
illeiterate a person to read and understand what
others have said about my MOTHER. But fortunately I
believe that She is not unkind to me.
One thing I never doubt is the fact that I am Her
child and She is my MOTHER. And of the rest I am
totally ignorant. I am more grateful to Her slaps
than to Her smiles. Had She showered more smiles and
given fewer slaps, I would have become a greater fool
than I am now.
Sometimes I feel like crying - "Thank God I am not
free! I am imprisoned in your embrace. Every
footfall of my life is kindly and carefully controlled
by you." I am not sure whether I could have fully
utilized my freedom in the right way, had the
free-will been, unfortunately, given to me. I really
do not know what I really need. My MOTHER knows
better than I do. Thank God! I am denied my freedom
but given a MOTHER.
Now, for all the apparent cruelty, my MOTHER inflicts
on me, whom should I blame? I do not know whether I
should blame my MOTHER or myself or somebody else! I
do not even know whether Her cruelty is worth blaming!
Sometimes I feel it is worth praising. But for Her
apparent cruelty, I would not have survived at all.
The real solution to the non-existent cruelty in my
MOTHER seems to be the fact that I should remove
blinkers from my eyes and correct my mental lenses so
as to see the kindness inherent in Her cruelty. All
Her cruelty is nothing but Her kindness, convenienty
misunderstood by our ignorant mind. She has always
been right. I have always been wrong but I have felt
I have been right and She had been wrong.
Now I am totally baffled and humbly sit on
bended-knees before Her and question Her "MOTHER, why
did you make me so intelligent as to understand you?
MOTHER are you a sadist." MOTHER seems to
whisper..."dear child, it is all Divine Leela. Had I
made you as intelligent as I am this Divine Drama
would not have come into existence. This is only a
'Drama" meant for the Dramatist's pleasure, actor's
pleasure and the spectators' pleasure. Why are you
worried? YOu are not really ignorant. You are not
really unhappy! You are not really denied anything!
I have simply made you feel so, since you are made an
actor in my Drama.
You were and you are my child. Realize this. ACt
your role well, always remembering me. Please me,
please yourself. Please other actors. There is no
real sorrow in the DRAMA. You appear to weep; you do
not really weep. You are the glorious child of
immortality. All the evil in the world is my
misunderstood wisdom. Don't unsuccessfully try to
annihilate evil. You better try to understand its
dramatic inevitability in my Drama, just as you, as an
adult now, understand my rods of wrath descended on
you back in your childhood". So saying, She
escstatically hugs me to Her bosom. I forget
everything; I forget to blame Her and forget to praise
Her. I get dissolved into Her.
to be cont'd